New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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