maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize