I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your dad touched me again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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