they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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