Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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