i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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