We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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