somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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