Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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