wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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