i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize