i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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