so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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