i permit you to call me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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