i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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