I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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