Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We need to get me chipped asap
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