I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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