im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
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he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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