Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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