I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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