Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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