lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
they need to just BURY HIM!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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