so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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