That's intense
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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