im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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