I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
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I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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