i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize