you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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