You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize