did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize