i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize