I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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