i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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