I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
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pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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