he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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