I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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