so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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