but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize