and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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