ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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