Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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