Plan B is the new Plan A
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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