um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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