Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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