i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize