Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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