Plan B is the new Plan A
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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