I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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