If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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